Caring for Yourself After a Pregnancy or Infant Loss

Losing a pregnancy or a baby is one of the hardest things you will ever face. The grief you're experiencing affects you both emotionally and physically.

This resource offers information to help you through this difficult time, such as:

• Understanding grief
• When to get professional support
• Taking care of yourself
• Eating to heal
• Physical activity
• Managing lactation
• More resources

Please know that you are not alone, and WIC is here to support you.

Understanding Grief

Grief is a natural response to a pregnancy or infant loss. It can look and feel different for different people. Your grief may be overwhelming and can change from day to day.

Common feelings include

• Denial: You may find it hard to believe the loss happened. You may feel numb.
• Anger: You may feel the loss is unfair. You might be angry at yourself or others.
• Guilt: You may blame yourself, as if you could have done something differently. This is common.
• Depression: Grief can make you feel very tired with no energy for daily tasks or usual interests.
• Loneliness: You may feel alone, even when others are around.
• Frustration: You may feel frustrated about what happened or feel like you have no control.
• Fear or Panic: A sudden loss can make you feel unsafe. You may worry about your family or feel afraid to leave home.
• Relief: Some people feel a sense of relief after a loss. This is also normal.
• Acceptance: As time passes, you'll spend less of your day thinking about the loss. You'll start to have more hope for the future. This loss will always be part of you. As time passes, you'll find ways to carry it that feel more manageable.

These feelings may come and go in no specific order. If you're experiencing any of them, reach out to someone you trust for support.

When to Get Professional Support

Grief is natural, and sometimes you need extra help. Consider these questions:

• Does your grief interfere with your relationships or daily life?
• Are you drinking more, using drugs, driving unsafely, or having thoughts about suicide?
• Are you always irritable, annoyed, or angry?
• Do you feel numb or isolated from others most of the time?
• Do you feel you have no one to talk to?
• Are you very anxious about death — yours or someone you love?
• Is there something about your grief that makes you wonder if it's not normal?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, professional support may help. Even if you answered no, talking to a professional can play a role in your healing.

Groups or people to turn to

• Your health care provider
• A trusted religious leader
• A social worker
• A grief counselor or therapist
• Support groups for people who have experienced similar losses

Talk to WIC staff for local resources. Many are free or low-cost.

Taking Care of Yourself

You're going through a very hard time. It may be difficult to think about yourself. Here are a few things that may help:

• Ask for and accept help. Say yes when friends and family offer support. Tell them specifically what you need: help around the house, errands, or just someone to talk to.
• Rest. Grief and recovery can disrupt your sleep. You may need to rest more often. That's okay.
• Eat. You may not feel hungry, but your body needs food to heal. Eat foods high in protein, vitamins, and minerals. If eating feels like too much, try small snacks, smoothies, or protein shakes.
• Drink plenty of water. Your body needs fluids to heal, and staying hydrated can help you feel better physically.
• Move your body. Once your health care provider says it's okay, add some gentle activity. Start with a short walk (5-10 minutes). If that feels like too much, try walking in place while watching TV or around your home while on the phone. Build up slowly.

Eating to Heal

Grief often takes away your appetite, but your body still needs fuel to heal from pregnancy and loss. Eating well can help your body recover and may ease some of the stress. WIC provides healthy foods for up to 6 months after your loss.

How healthy food supports your recovery

• Protein to repair your body
• Iron to keep your blood healthy
• Fruits and vegetables for vitamins and minerals
• Calcium for strong bones and teeth

How much to eat every day

• Vegetables: 2 - 3 cups (1 cup = 1 cup raw or cooked)
• Fruits: 1 ½ - 2 cups (1 cup = 1 cup fresh, canned, or frozen)
• Protein: 5 - 6 servings (1 serving = 1 ounce)
• Grains: 5 - 6 servings (1 serving = 1 ounce)
• Dairy: 3 servings (1 serving = 1 cup low-fat milk or yogurt, 1½ ounces cheese)

If you’re looking for quick recipes that don’t take much energy, check out our recipes.

Physical Activity

Once your health care provider says it's okay, start slowly. Mild activity can help your physical and emotional health.

Ways to start

• Walk in place while watching TV or talking on the phone.
• Take a short walk (5-10 minutes) with someone.
• As you feel comfortable, walk longer or farther.

Managing Lactation

Not everyone who loses a pregnancy or baby will produce breast milk. The further along you were or the older your baby, the more likely you are to produce milk. This can be a painful reminder of your loss.

You have options. Some mothers donate their milk. Others take steps to stop milk production.

If you want to donate your breast milk

Some parents find that pumping and donating helps with healing. Milk banks then give this milk to sick and/or premature babies in the hospital who need it.

Milk banks have strict criteria. Donors complete screening questions and basic medical tests at no cost. Many milk banks don't require a minimum donation for pregnancy or infant loss.

Visit mothersmilk.org or call 1-877-375-6645

If you want to stop milk production

Go as long as you can between pumping or hand expressing. Only express enough breast milk to feel comfortable. Express as little milk as possible.

If you were pumping every 3 hours, try every 4 hours, then 6, then 8. By gradually expressing less milk less often, your supply will decrease without causing discomfort.

Other tips:

• You may need to express milk between sessions to soften your breasts. A warm shower can help. Let the water run on your back, not your breasts. Hand express just until you’re comfortable.
• Apply wrapped cold packs (gel packs or frozen peas) directly on your breasts. The cold may help with swelling and slow how much breast milk your body makes.
• Wear a snug, supportive bra. Don't tightly wrap or bind your breasts. This can cause plugged ducts or infection.
• Avoid home or herbal remedies. Talk with your health care provider about safe medications.
• Drink water throughout the day. Cutting back on fluids won't reduce your milk supply.

If you need help reducing your supply or want to make a plan, reach out to your WIC clinic. Ask to talk to an IBCLC; they will help to support you.

More Helpful Resources

• Compassionate Friends offers resources and support groups for families following child loss.
• First Candle provides bereavement support, a grief phone line, and an online peer support group.
• March of Dimes has information on miscarriage, loss and grief.
• National Maternal Mental Health Hotline is a free, confidential resource that’s available 24/7. Chat online or call/text 1-833-852-6262.
• 988 Lifeline is a free, confidential mental health hotline if you feel like you might harm yourself. It’s available 24/7. Call or text 988 for help.